Anonymous wrote:

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It is, in fact, not too many questions.  It is precisely two questions. 

The first question regards whether you would like cash back.  This is a reasonable question.  If the machine didn't ask you, I would have to.  A million dollars is not an acceptable answer.

The second question concerns whether the amount is "ok".  Not if the amount is correct, but rather if the amount is "ok".  Yes, I realize this.  I wish it asked if the amount was correct, but it doesn't.  If it's not ok, then we can remove items from your order until it's more acceptable.  Don't joke that it's not ok.  I hate you.  Sometimes I think about drinking before work.

If I wanted to listen to the same horrible jokes over and over, I would get a Jeff Dunham DVD.

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What do you mean we only have one lane open?  It's unreasonably late at night.  Honestly, our store should be closed and your grumpy entitled ass should be in bed.  If anything, you are quite lucky that we even have a lane open.  We had good courtesy clerks today, so everything got done early, and two closing cashiers were scheduled.  You have no idea how lucky you are.  You only have three items anyways.  If you went through self checkout, you would be halfway home by now.

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You need to watch your little monsters a bit better.  Maybe you could just beat them every now and then.  I'll help if you need me to.  They just disabled one of my self checkout machines.  I don't know how they did it, but I had to chase down three managers to get the key to restart the damn thing.  And you think it's funny because you can't figure out how to work the machine.  Here's a hint: please place the item in the bagging area.  I hate you.  Why don't you help your little monsters go play on the freeway?

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Like. Is there a like button on here? Or a +1 or thumbs up or something?

You probably should wash your reusable shopping bags.  You are an oblivious *******,  so you haven't yet noticed that they are getting a little bit moldy.

To assist in illustrating this point to you, I placed your produce directly on top of the mold. 

I wonder if you wash your produce before eating it.

While in the middle of checking out an order, another customer comes up to me and asks "Where's your___"(fill in the blank: sugar, flour, salt, etc.). My reply: It's not my sugar. The sugar is on aisle #6, right there behind you, the one that says sugar on the sign.

You are so ghetto.  I am actually fairly impressed.  How does this happen?  It certainly doesn't happen overnight.  But you don't appear to be doing it on purpose.  I am amazed and perplexed how you became and continue to be so ghetto.

You do deserve every bad thing that has happened and will ever happen to you, sure.  Probably worse, even.  Let's be serious for a second.  You appear to leave a trail of destruction and confusion wherever you go and are a piece of human garbage.  A waste of human flesh.  An oxygen thief, even.

But I have customers like that all day.  You, though, bring it to new lows.  And with a decided gracelessness.

The tragic part is that somehow you have acquired a child.  And that it might grow up to be like you.

You're ****ing retarded.  No wonder you are on food stamps.  I'd be shocked if you weren't.

Hold on a sec.

That's ...not right.  You're...not quite right either.  Uh...

Oh, here's your handler.

You... actually are retarded.

****.

Now I feel like a jerk.

I think this is my favorite thread.  I wish it were stickied.

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You forgot $8 at self checkout?  Before my shift?  I'd almost be slightly sympathetic if this wasn't somehow my fault.

Whoah there, it's $8.  Calm down.

You say that it's a lot of money because you are on a fixed income and only get $400 a week?  Well, goddamn.  Now I'm glad it's gone.

No one here outside of management even sees that kind of cash.  You aren't even that crippled, just a bit bitchy.

****, I'm gonna go get hit by a bus now.  It would be pretty sweet to make twice as much money sitting on my ass all day.

- Alright, are you done b*tching? Can I help you fix this now? Oh? You're still complaining. The longer you complain, the longer it takes for me to "Make it Right" for you. And the less likely I'm gonna do it.

- No, that item was NOT part of the "[Insert Appropriate Sale]" event. I took a PICTURE of the tag AND shelf to try to make this easier. But you STILL wanna walk down to the product. Oh, I'm sorry, you were wrong. Still not getting this for free because you can't read signs/tags correctly. (Or alternatively it did ring up incorrectly but they're complaining because the product was more than 5 dollars, and they're not getting it for free because they can't be bothered to read past the FREE on the SRG.)

- Okay, that came out of your bra. It's ninety bloody degrees outside. I am NOT touching that. I just suspended your order. Go to self checkout. And don't complain when the robot won't take your wet money!

[I work at a store that has to card EVERYONE (including employees) about tobacco and alcohol... ugh...] 
- Per the State, I have to check your ID to sell you this tobacco. Yes, you look like you're older than dirt itself, but per the State, and MY JOB, I have to check your ID. No, I won't just sell you the f***in' cigs. My job is not worth your smokes. Oh, damn. You haven't updated your ID since 2007? Can't sell them to you. I don't care that it has your picture and birth date on it. If you were driving on this and got pulled over, would you be okay? No, why not? Because it's not a valid ID? Sheee****t, if that's the case, then I guess you know why I can't sell you the smokes. Get the f*** out of my line, you're holding people up.

- "Oh it won't scan, must be free." With that logic I better call the hospital I was in and tell them it must be free because they couldn't find me in the insurance system! Oh I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense? Neither do you.

- "I'm sorry you have to be here on Thanksgiving to work." No. You're not sorry. If you would've done your shopping in a timely manner, I wouldn't have to be ringing your stuff up. It's because of customers like you we're open. 

- "You're here all the time! Do you ever go home?" DO YOU?

But most of all, 

- shut the f*** up.

Hey, I don't think this is EVER said enough, but to all you Kroger people still with us, thank you for ALL YOU DO. And those who left us for bigger and better things, thank you for ALL YOU DID. I believe you deserve a lot more praise and recognition than we get.

Dear customer: I am off the clock. Quit staring at me like I'm going to serve you. Not gonna happen. Plus it's creepy. Huffing and puffing like The Big Bad Wolf isn't going to work either. STOP.


Whistling to get my attention: HELL NO! whistling WILL NOT get me to acknowledge you. NOT ONE BIT. in fact, I will be looking for your dog which is NOT allowed in the store unless it's a SERVICE ANIMAL.

On dogs: do not bring your NON service animal in the store. I don't give a red f*ck how cute it is.

We have been closed for several minutes.  I have clocked out.  You shouldn't even be in the store.  Why are you still here?

I'm glad SCO won't take your coins.  **** you, and have a ****ty night.

Oh yes that heaping cart actually does come out to $300, I'm sorry you only came here for eggs you obviously ended up with a lot more than that!

I know this might be shocking, but cussing out my friend and then comi to me for help isn't going to get you very far.

I know there are way too many go backs, but how do you think they might have gotten here? It sure wasn't the employees!

Oh Walmart is cleaner and cheaper and less ghetto and has little hand scanners on sco? Well then what on God's green earth are you doing here?

I know there's no carts, but im running a hopping u scan by myself and it might surprise you to learn that I don't have one in my back pocket, nor will standing and staring accusingly at me convince me to go out and get you one.

And one situation that actually happened last week
Customer demands to see a manager because she bought expensive ice cream a week ago and it had melted on the way home all over her car. She had no receipt but wanted them replaced.

Manager: ma'am I live half an hour away and somehow I manage to get home without my ice cream melting. If you can't figure out how to do that it's not Kroger's fault

I just wanna say how much joy reading this thread has brought me. There are so many irritating customers it can be hard to hold your tongue and I love reading what others have thought of saying

For the love of god, there's nothing in the back! Quit being so overwhelmingly optimistic. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. Stop assuming that the reason the shelf is empty is because we were too lazy to stock it and the box is just sitting back there, waiting to be stocked on the shelf but we needed you to come by looking for said item so that we could be reminded to stock it. WE ARE OUT!!! I know... I know you're used to being able to get whatever you want, whenever you want, but those times are gone now. Time to sacrifice.

All of our stuff goes out. All we have is sodas and alcohol in the back.

My top 3. What the f__k do you want, as___le!? I would like to f__k you. I'm so sorry you have nowhere better to shop.

mega-kitteh wrote:

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If we tell you we are out of something then we are out.
No, that IS the correct price.
If lights are out in a dept, it means it is closed.
Stop staring at the cc's waiting ti see if they will write on your cake. Not gonna happen. Deal with it.
Dont say we NEED to figure out how to get change when there is s change shortage. we dont NEED to do that.

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 Well, somebody needs to----if yall don't want thieves like me ransacking your shelves for FREE! lol. This fake ass pandemic and the excuses it produced to do sh!t like force cash and coin out of use just opened a flood gate of thievery. Best thing that's happened for many of us in...well hell, ever! 

Every day is is a blessing.

For you.

Not me.

For me, every day is a curse. 

Because I might have to talk to you.

No.

You have to pay at the pump like a grown-up.

I'm busy.

I overheard you talking about how you had to deal with those ashes from a murder-suicide.

Boo hoo.

All I could think about was how fantastic a murder-suicide sounded.

I mean, just the suicide part sounds amazing.  That's my favorite part.  I mean, I'm not living as it is.  And he killed other people?

That's pretty cool.

I've just been drinking myself to death.  It's taking longer than I thought.

You ever tried to drink other people to death?  It's real tough. 

It doesn't really work unless they want to drink themself to death too.

In that case, it takes a shocking amount of booze and a long time, but then there's the terrible chance of finding kindred.  It's awful.

I mean, sure, I could buy some buckshot.  I got the shakes so a pistol or rifle would be a bad choice.

Or I could buy another shot. 

Of liquor.

His daughter died too.  Eitehr by his hand or hers.

their ashes got mixed.  Apparently, the shear volume was a problem?

Dude got laid.

A critic might tell me to find better role models.  A realist wouldn;t.

Anonymous wrote:

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 change shortage is fake. Its people like you using it as a excuse to steal honest customers money.

Whoah, you got me bud.

I used the entire $5 I shamelessly stole today to buy a single bag of salt & vinegar chips.  If I use the stolen change and really try hard tomorrow, I might even be able to buy a bag of chips and a drink.

My only regret is that they weren't as salty as your tears.

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 This right here is a prime example of a poor thief. Stealing from people to support your fat ass eating habit. GROSS

Outside lights off, parking lot pretty empty, its passed 10 pm, doors locked, then hear knocking are yall open?   no stupid