False Advertising

Date: May 27, 2016

False Advertising

Anonymouse1 · Guru

That isn't Kroger advertising, that is USPS advertising.

What we have here is a failure to communicate. It does last forever sort of. You buy it now and you can use it 10 years from now even if the postal rates increase. You don't have to add any extra stamps like the old days.

Date: May 28, 2016

Anonymouse1 wrote:
That isn't Kroger advertising, that is USPS advertising.
What we have here is a failure to communicate. It does last forever sort of. You buy it now and you can use it 10 years from now even if the postal rates increase. You don't have to add any extra stamps like the old days.

You need to see if your sarcasm detector is turned on.

The Conditioner · Veteran Member

I swear, Kroger's in store marketing spots are done by teams of high school interns as class projects. They'd almost be adorkable if they didn't all but say, "Everyone else already knows this--but since you're a Kroger Customer, you probably need to have it explained to you again."

Any team that gets C- or better gets their spot recorded. B+ or better, Krogers offers you a job as assistant manager at your local store.

===

Holy Moly!

The price of a Forever Stamp--which, by the way, you can use FOREVER, almost as if someone decided such a clever name shouldn't go to waste--has dropped by two whole pennies to a mere fortyseven cents!

Hallelujah! At last! Now we can all afford to give up email!

Come on, USPS. It still feels like half a buck to anyone not spending Other People's Money.

Nobody. Cares.

What, are we supposed to throw out our obsolete 49ers, and get the cool new cheaper ones? When I send a letter, like to your sister service, the Revenoors, I stick on two 37 cent non-Forevers. And I'm a long way from running out.

===

Currently on my hit-list: The new and improved Greensheet spot.

The Greensheet is a Texas "community newspaper" which consists almost entirely of classifieds, available for free from rusted, wobbly wire racks outside by the Redbox. They have now branched out to a rusty, wobbly, online Craigslist-like venue. "The Greensheet", so it is claimed, "brings you buyers".

Their spot consists of, I swear, a dull, cliche ridden marketing memo, inappropriately set to country music (I mean, is there anything less country than a marketing memo?). It neither rhymes nor scans. "We set expectations higher," croons the twanger, but since the Greensheet is in fact a marketing device, and this ad demonstrates a near total lack of marketing savvy, it is hard to imagine expectations risin' much over knee high to a rattlesnake in a wagon rut, as we like to drawl in these here parts.

===

Ooooh, look, Kenny Chesney, a pointy-boots-and-stetson singer I've never heard of whose current hit on Youtube features jumbled urban scenes and fake static, is kicking off his "Spread the Love" tour with Corona.

yee haa. i guess.

But remember, folks, as you stagger around at an over-amplified cowboy-ish commercial party event, to "please drink" your cheap Mexican beer "responsibly", rather than, say, spilling it over the udders of that pearl-buttoned cutie you were going to break your achy heart on.

"Make your way over to" the drunken brawl aisle and pick up a six pack of Shiner, which is at least gosh darn it Texas owned and operated. Note: I have no favorite beer, I am not a beer drinker, it all tastes like spoiled water to me. But Corona is right out, bein' all furrin and sutch.

-- Edited by The Conditioner on Tuesday 31st of May 2016 03:07:06 PM

Date: May 31, 2016

Have you talked to a vice president or exec before? They sound like you are talking to a retard high school student. They make all of these i am sure.

ProduceDumbass · Veteran Member

"A simple vaccine can help prevent you from getting the shingles virus. Shingles is caused by the chicken pox virus which remains in your nervous system"

Lol okay, the vaccine can help prevent you from getting a virus you are already infected with. That and some grammar mistakes in other ads make me think nobody proofreads the scripts for these things.

The Conditioner · Veteran Member

ProduceDumbass wrote:
"A simple vaccine can help prevent you from getting the shingles virus. Shingles is caused by the chicken pox virus which remains in your nervous system"

Lol okay, the vaccine can help prevent you from getting a virus you are already infected with. That and some grammar mistakes in other ads make me think nobody proofreads the scripts for these things.

Thank you! That was also on my list of targets.

Apparently the vaccine is not as simple as the marketdroid who wrote this.

===

Also in need of copy editing: Ravage wines. (Not currently in rotation.)

"Seize a bottle". Uh huh. Krogers invites its customers to grab a bottle by force of arms. Wonder if that defense would hold up in court? And as always, the ad ends with the admonition to enjoy your ravaging, including, one supposes, any raping, pillaging, and burning ("loads of smoky oak") that might be involved "responsibly".

-- Edited by The Conditioner on Friday 3rd of June 2016 09:21:56 AM

ProduceDumbass · Veteran Member

Shingles is indeed caused by the varicella zoster virus (the same as chickenpox) having laid dormant since the initial infection reactivating. The vaccine, which is basically a larger dose of chickenpox vaccine, is effective at preventing this for about 3 - 4 years at a time. Of course our ad doesn't make the distinction between the viral infection and the disease resulting from said infection, hence the glaring inconsistent logic in it. This is also the gist behind medical professionals preferring the term STI to STD, since you can be infected without having any disease manifest.

They either didn't do their research or they just didn't care. Probably both.

-- Edited by ProduceDumbass on Friday 3rd of June 2016 11:48:45 AM

The Conditioner · Veteran Member

ProduceDumbass wrote:
Shingles is indeed caused by the varicella zoster virus (the same as chickenpox) having laid dormant since the initial infection reactivating. The vaccine, which is basically a larger dose of chickenpox vaccine, is effective at preventing this for about 3 - 4 years at a time. Of course our ad doesn't make the distinction between the viral infection and the disease resulting from said infection, hence the glaring inconsistent logic in it. This is also the gist behind medical professionals preferring the term STI to STD, since you can be infected without having any disease manifest.
They either didn't do their research or they just didn't care. Probably both.

Yup. All they had to say was, "The shingles vaccine can prevent a outbreak for up to four years." &tc

Or something similar.

Pet peeve: No vaccine is "simple". The mechanisms are quite complicated indeed, there are possible side effects, and no one has any idea how vaccines for everything will affect the long term evolution of the human race and the viruses concerned. Totally unknown. I'm looking at you, triclosan*, and your invaluable assistance in evolving antibiotic resistant bacteria.

---------

* Triclosan: active ingredient in anti-bacterial soaps. Don't use them, please. Just get the visible dirt off, rinse really well, and know that even the most sophisticated handwashing regimens only get rid of about 20% of bacteria. You are awash in the little critters. Let your immune system deal with them; it's totally bad ass.

Date: Jun 3, 2016

The Conditioner wrote:

===
Ooooh, look, Kenny Chesney, a pointy-boots-and-stetson singer I've never heard of whose current hit on Youtube features jumbled urban scenes and fake static, is kicking off his "Spread the Love" tour with Corona.

Kenny probably wears flipflops since he's all about the islands nowadays. The tour is actually "spread your legs tour" but that wasn't PG 13 enough for them. Corona is terrible beer, IMO

The Conditioner · Veteran Member

Oooh, how did everybody do on the Cherry Pop Quiz of the Day? Of course you get two chances, since there are two quizes "of the day", you illiterate morons.

True or false: Most cherries grown in the U.S. are from the Pacific Northwest, as opposed, I suppose, to the Atlantic Northwest. I raised my hand as if I could pull myself out my desk by grasping the very air, and said that the claim was false, that since cherries grow on cacti, most of those grown in the U.S. actually come from the Mexican desert.

BZZT!

And I was so sure!

Then we got to the second quiz of the day, the one about being chock full of anti-inflammatories. I carefully checked this one out, not wanting to fail completely, and discovered that the claim is in actual true fact false. Krogers is selling sweet cherries. The rather dodgy claim about anti-inflammatories pertains specifically to tart cherries, and you have to eat rather a lot of them, a cup and a half or so, twice a day, for several days before the effect takes hold.

ding-ding-ding-ding!

So, no, eating a bag of cherries will not help your back, knees, and feet after slinging those 20 pound pails of cat litter and 30 pound sacks of dog food around all night.

Poop.

Speaking of....

===

Six weeks. Six bloody, twitching weeks of listen to that stupid bell. I hate you, Krogers marketing. I condemn you to eating to two pounds of cherries every day, and cracking your teeth on the pits of every single one.

I even like cherries, and look forward to cherry season, but these spots pretty well kill my appetite for them.

-- Edited by The Conditioner on Friday 24th of June 2016 01:14:48 PM

4hourrush · Guru

You don't know hell until you heard the febreeze jingle from a couple weeks ago at least 12 times a day.

The Conditioner · Veteran Member

4hourrush wrote:
You don't know hell until you heard the febreeze jingle from a couple weeks ago at least 12 times a day.

I am positively atingle with antici

pation; that has not yet played in my store.